Whatever It Takes
by AbraFilo
Summary: Six months after the Purge another conflict has occurred and is threatening the island the inhabitants. Luckily their new leader, Ben, can improvise. DISCONTINUED thank you for all your support and reviews they kept me writing long after I wanted to quit.
1. No News Is Good News

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any of its characters the events that take place are not actual and are written and posted here for you entertainment only. Enjoy the story.

There was a knocking at the front door, or at least it might have been who could tell with the weather they were having this week. Ben actually wouldn't be the least bit suprised if the roof was tore from his house and he landed in the merry land of Oz. He craned his neck to see the clock beside the bookshelf. It was four thirty in the morning. the knocking came again, this time louder and more rapid. Apparently he wasn't the only insomniac in the Barracks, it wasn't a realization that pleased him at all. He sighed as he stood and placed the book on the small table beside his chair. Ben figured he might as well let whoever it was in, that or he could pull the corpse out of a tree later he thought snickering. He walked over to the door and pulled it open to see Richard standing before him wearing a long raincoat and holding a spare. He pushed the spare coat into Ben's arms, turned and began walking back the way he presumably came.

Any other person would have thrown the raincoat back out after him, slammed the door, bolted it shut, sat back down and continued to read as though it had never happened. Not Ben however. It was important enough that Richard didn't say a word or even smile which was drastically out of character for him, that and not questioning every choice he made. Besides if this was crucially important he wanted to be the first to know, come hell or high water he wanted to be the first to know. The weather on the other hand wasn't about to let up just for the sake of Ben's curiousity

The more they walked the more Ben realised just how useless the raincoats were, just stepping out the door he was soaked up to his ankles. Then, as they walked farther the wind just blew the rain into his hood where it trickled down his neck. Within ten minutes he was completely soaked mostly from tripping and falling down, not that the coat was keeping him dry anyway. Richard led them into the small cave they had just renovated not more than a month ago. Once inside Ben quickly removed his raincoat, it wasn't worth the discomfort for the little good it did. Richard took a match from the small box sitting on one of the three shelves and set fire to the preplaced firewood. Ben noticed for the first time that the cave was at least five inches above ground level and that alone was keeping the water out.

Ben never thought he would be happy the cave was here until just now, he actually remembered saying it was a lost cause and no one would ever be desperate enough to use it. He was quick to see all it's faults now that he had the fires aid in examining them. The roof was so low that even he had to duck to enter, the walls were crumbling, the ground was covered in ash and rocks and it was only big enough to fit three adults, if they were lucky. As a breeze came in Ben got a cold chill, aside from adding that to the mental list of the caves faults he ran a hand through his hair to stop it from heading down his spine. While accomplishing that Ben realized his hair was plasterd to his head he asked Richard if they had any towls, Richard just shook his head as he made sure the fire was strong enough to burn without assistance. Ironically a mirror and towls were probably the only two things they had overlooked, not that he could see the use of a mirror in a place like this as everyone else had. Ben began running his hands through his hair to at least get it standing straight again. He looked over to Richard who was now sitting on a chair staring over at him. Ben realised this would be the last chance to ask any questions before they reached their destination, They wouldn't be able to hear eachother over the weather outside if they screamed.

"Judging by the route we're taking I assume we are headed towards the Flame station" Ben asked succesfully stifling his worry. If it was the Flame station he could safely assume this wasn't a trip he would enjoy.

"You've been studying the map havn't you Ben?" Richard asked smiling, he was still wearing his raincoat and didn't look nearly as wet as Ben.

"Of coarse i've studied the map" Ben replied more dramatically than he intended "what would I do if I ever got lost out here and couldn't identify any landmarks?"

"Then you would be in a very bad situation I assume" Richard answered simply.

Ben gave Richard a sharp look that was intensified by the fire reflecting in his vibrant, emerald eyes. This meant that the time for conversation had come to an abrupt end and it was time to get down to satisfying his curiosity. Ben took his seat across from Richard and remained politley silent urging his companion to start conversation.

"Your not already going to start interogating me are you Ben?" Richard asked smiling to counter Ben's silence.

"After all, how often do I get your comany when you alway's reading or studying maps? we could sit by the fire and watch the storm, tell ghost stories, or play a game of cards, oh and look I already have the bag of marshmellows." Ben watched as he pulled a bag of them out of the cupboard they had installed. All it held was marshmellows, canned beans, medicine and antibiotics. Now if only he could pull a grain of common sense out of the cupboard he would realise his pathetic attempt at a night in the cave was going nowhere.

In any case, at the moment Richard sounded like a sleazy used car salesman. Making a stupid point using the most desperate, childish measures and improvising out of his ass. He must have realised by Ben's continued silence and darkening gaze that this was a losing battle. Richard leaned back, getting as comfortable as humanly possible in the chair preparing himself to answer Ben's every question as best he could. Ben opened his mouth to ask the first question but Richard cut him off, to save time he assumed.

"Look, Mikhail said that he was positive something had hit the island somewhere in the middle. Bonnie and Greta confirmed that something hit the island after examining the nautical charts from the Looking Glass. That was about forty minutes ago, Mikhail figured you would want to be the first to know so he told me to run and get you. Other than that I know absolutely nothing." Richard must have assumed this would suffice, he had began fishing for marshmellows with one hand and was looking for the metal spits with the other. Ben knew if he stayed Richard would do his best to procrastinate walking to the Flame station as long as he could. There was a very easy soulotion to that problem, he rose from his chair and walked back out into the storm. The rain was coming down so heavy that it felt like he had a hose over his head and had to constantly wipe the water out of his eyes. He could hear Richard calling for him to come back, not a chance. Why would he go back when Richard would come running to find him soon enough.

**I rewrote this chapter because it has been aggrevating me since day one with how badly I messed up with. Now it is from only Ben's point of veiw (sorry Richard fans, but that is originally what I intended it to be). As for the rest of the chapters, don't worry none of them **_**should**_** be entirely rewritten but I won't make any promises.**


	2. Best Kept Secrets

When he gazed out one of the small windows near the only door and saw them attempting to climb the hill Mikhail couldn't help but laugh. He was barely able to let them in when Richard finally knocked. They had taken a while to get there, probably because walking up the hill was like walking on a slick oil path and as hard as they tried, they couldn't stop falling back down. For once Mikhail didn't mind how long it took them to reach the door, he needed the time to laugh it all out now. It wasn't until he opened the door though that he realized just how ridiculous they looked. They were both caked with wet mud, The only way Mikhail could tell them apart was the difference in height and the eyes looking back at him.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to keep from going into another laughing fit.

"Richard slipped into the river and had the great idea to grab my leg and drown me with him," Ben answered as his vibrant eyes flicked over to the coal coloured ones of Richard. The room fell into an uneasy silence just from that single movement. Mikhail watched silently as Richard tore his eyes away from Ben's burning gaze and looked back to him. Mikhail didn't know why, but his smile returned and within seconds they were both laughing despite Ben's annoyance.

As he stood there laughing with Richard beside him Mikhail remembered something, The monitors. He didn't know for sure but he had a hunch that someone would have to make a very unpleasent deal with a bright red man on goat legs to replace them. "There's a hose around the back of the station, you can use that to get the mud off. A little more water won't hurt you at this point" Mikhail said quickly as he opened the door and ushered them back out. He didn't think they were foolish enough to touch the electronics while they were blanketed in wet mud but you could never be to careful. After they were both outside Mikhail decided the best thing to do would be to get them each some dry clothes, then he'd make some coffee. A coffee was exactly what he needed at the moment and after the last few hours he really deserved one.

He left the main room and proceeded to the one that he used as a bedroom to find some basic clothing that could fit Richard and Ben, for when they managed to get all the mud off. Mikhail could quite vivedly imagine Richard getting to the hose before Ben and spraying him in the face with it, Richard was a funny guy for the most part but given Ben's uptight personality he was suprised that Ben hadn't punched him in the head yet, or maybe Richard was just out of his reach so he didn't even bother to try. Either way the thought brought a slight smile to his face, it had been a while since he could actually befriend people without the fear of loseing them. Mikhail was going through the many drawers that held all different sizes of clothing which he had carefully organized by size from left to right. To say the least he retrieved Ben's basic suit from the left, thinking they may still be a little big for the small man he decided to replace the pants with shorts and a jumpsuit then did did the same for Richard, so wouldn't offend Ben. Mikhail wondered briefly who the people here before him where, there were four beds in the station and he often wondered who they belonged to but never asked. Mikhail liked working alone and didn't want to jeopardize that by sounding lonely. He emptied the thoughts of the beds and previous workers from his already worried mind and soon enough he had the clothes neatly folded and turned to leave, clicking off the lights on his way out.

Mikhail came back in the main room with the simple suits he had collected for them that consisted of underwear, shorts, T-shirts, and grey jumpsuits. Richard was playing a game of chess against the computer while Ben idley watched from the small round table. Richard seemed to be mesmerized by the screen while Ben was impatiently tapping his fingers on the table. Mikhail could only see the back of Ben's head but could imagine the bored look that was definatly masked on his face right now. Mikhail personally thought Ben would have loved nothing more than to destroy the computer after being the first living or non living thing in everyone's memory to win against him, not that it won fairly. Sure Ben had always said it wasn't a big deal but Mikhail had noticed that if you glanced over to him at the right moment you could see that he felt quite the opposite. The only thing holding him back and keeping the thing in one piece was probably the guarentee of a prize if you won and the appeal the prize had to Ben's curiosity. To Mikhail those were the two worst traits a leader could possibly have, if the military had taught him anything it was that: routine is a necesity, trust is a necesity, curiosity is a leading cause of death and most of all to accept the fact that you can't always win.

"You do know that the instant you turn your back or get up from your seat it will have you in checkmate?" Ben asked as Richard continued playing, his eyes watching nothing but the screen.

"I don't really mind losing Ben, I'm just killing time until Mikhail comes back with dry clothes".

"It isn't the losing that bothers me, it's just the thought that it might only let you lose so many times before there's a catch."

"Like what Ben, blowing up in my face?" Richard was laughing now "You have alway's been such a pestimist, even when you were a kid."

"What can I say, hope for the best but expect the worst. It pay's to think ahead though, right Mikhail?"

Everyone had said it was nearly impossible to sneak up on Ben but he really couldn't figure out what had given him away. Richard finally pulled his attention away from the screen and got up to claim his dry clothes. Ben followed suit with Richard and answered the question that was practically drawn on Mikhail's face "I heard the door click when you closed it" Ben said plainly. Mikhail wasn't overly pleased at something as simple as that being the reason Ben knew he was eavesdropping, but there was nothing else he could remember doing wrong. Richard took his neatly folded stack and moved towards the washroom to make sure he got in first. Ben on the other hand stopped himself just as he reached for it, like he was seeing a trap in the folds of the material. Mikhail saw a very pronounced darkness appear in Ben's Emerald eyes, when he blinked it was gone.

"Mikhail do you have any pant's?" Ben asked

"Yes but your a little too-"

"That's fine I have a belt" Ben cut him off.

Mikhail was still a little stunned at receiving that look from Ben but turned to get the requested, or more appropriatly demanded pants. He looked over at Richard who was still standing about six feet from the bathroom door, he was looking from Ben to him as if watching a fight unfold. You would have never believed they were laughing like they were the best of friends less than ten minutes ago. Mikhail came back with the pant's Ben had requested/demanded and handed them over. He watched as Ben walked into the bathroom to change then jogged silently to the other side of the room beside Richard. He watched as he began a new game, sure enough Ben had been right and it had put Richard in check while no one was watching. As he opened his mouth to question him about what happened with Ben and the set of clothing he had offered Richard said "Maybe Later" and that was that.


	3. Simon Says

Richard didn't notice Ben had rentered the room until he heard the smooth quiet voice behind him, "your in check". At that Richard nearly jumped out of his skin and Mikhail jerked backwards in suprise, knocking over The chair with Richard in it. A red haze clouded his vision as his head hit the hard tiled floor then came clear again. Mikhail stood above him breathing heavily and clutching his chest, from the expression on his face you would think he'd just been shot. Richard felt guilty for thinking that immediatly afterwards, Mikhail was a veteran from the Cold War and had every right to be scared shitless from a sudden third voice when only two people where present in a room. Richard's head was throbbing and his own heart was skipping beats, it never ended well when Ben appeared out of thin air. Being the only people person in the room Richard felt it was his job to ease the tension and quickly said something, anything would do."Ben, do you walk around or actually hover an inch or so above the ground when no one's looking?"

"Your in checkmate" Ben answered with his trademark half smile that Richard hated.

"Bullsh-" Richard started but when he got back his feet and faced the screen with Mikhail's assistance sure enough, he was. In the short time him and Mikhail had their eyes on Ben it jumped at the chance to finish him off. Richard had to admit the computer was fast, even if he did hate the thing for cheating all the time. He wondered if Ben would permit him to take it apart sometime and seewhat made it tick, it was the only thing Richard wanted to know well that and what factors that were involved in the designs that made it cheat. His train of thought was interrupted when he heard Ben and Mikhail discussing the ship.

"Since Richard left to find me have you received any new information from the Looking Glass" Ben started.

"Actually Ben, they said we would have to wait three hours so they can double check and make sure they have their facts right"

" Three hours from the time Richard left?"

"Yes, around that time. So we have another hour and ten minutes to wait"

"Well then, i'll go get my deck of cards". Richard cut in, the last thing he wanted was to have Ben and Mikhail discuss the boat for the next hour, he knew it was important but it was better to wait until the facts were straight and on top of that he'd be the one left out. As he stood up to get the deck from his wet pair of pant's he asked Mikhail if there was any coffee left.

"Thank you for reminding me, what do you want in it?" he called back as he exited into the room setup like a kitchen, leaving Ben alone at the table.

"Milk and sugar would be fine" Richard answered from the next room as he picked up his pants that now felt like they were thirty pounds.

"What about you Ben?"

"Whatever is conveniant" Came the reply.

Richard came back with the deck of cards he carried as often as he could remember, as he removed them from the flimsy cardboard package and began to shuffle. In all honesty he didn't carry them for himself, he carried them for this specific occasion. It was a real treat to watch Ben and Mikhail play cards, you never knew who was going to win. Ben had his bluffing, calculating, and foresight while Mikhail had an unhealthy dosage of good luck.

"I never would have guessed you were the type to actually enjoy losing Richard". Ben stated, not missing Richard's growing smile.

"I never would have imagined you as a genie" Richard answered smugly. To say Ben was too short for the pant's was an understatement, Tom could fit in them with room to spare. He had to roll up the pant legs about four inches probably and the waist was folding over itself under the belt. As Mikhail came back with the coffee Ben untucked his shirt in a vain attempt to make it less noticable and sat back down at the table.

Mikhail handed Richard his coffee and Richard passed Ben's over to him they both thanked Mikhail and he took a seat. Richard dealt out the first hand, as always, and to start off the night Mikhail won with four aces. Mikhail kept winning so they eventually changed the game to Crazy Eights, War, then finally Twentyone. No matter what they played however Mikhail seemed to win, Ben's mind was on other things.

"Harper has been trying to find you Ben, for three days" Richard said suddenly. He was getting sick of the akward silence and unfortunately this was the best thing he could come up with. At least he was keeping his promise to Harper to say Ben was overdue for a **_talk_** as she had so delicatley put it.

"What a coincedince, i've found it in my best interest to avoid her for the past three days" Ben replied not even looking up from his cards.

"Who's Harper" Mikhail asked he hadn't met many people yet, in fact he spent all but his first two nights in the Flame station.

"No one you need to worry about" Ben answered still concentrating on his cards.

"Black Jack" Mikhail said with slight annoyance in his tone.

Richard was glad the communication system went off at that moment indicating there was an incoming call. Saved by the bell, Next time he wouldn't bother trying to start conversation. By the time he had stood up and collected all the cards Ben and Mikhail were already in the monitoring room speaking into the microphone. Greta's voice came over the speaker first and was full of static, no suprise there.

"Mikhail, are you there?"

"Where am I going to go in this weather?" Mikhail asked "What did you find out about the boat."

"Is Ben with you? he isn't going to like this" Greta said and her tone sounded like she didn't like it much either.

"What am I not going to like?" Ben cut in, by now he was very plainly annoyed that everyone was attempting to sugarcoat the facts to the extent that he couldn't even cover it up.

"It's a research ship called 'The Hatter' It has a crew of fourty two people and it was supposed to be headed towards Tahiti. They neglected to turn off their radios so we got a lot information. The good news is that the way it crashed we doub't there are any survivors.

"That was a close one" Richard said looking over his shoulder into the monitoring room then realised Ben had disappeared. "Ben?" He came out of the bathroom in his other pair of pants that still looked really damp.

"Mikhail now that you know the name of the ship, were it was headed, and what model it was do you think you can find a list of the crew?"

"Yes" Mikhail answered already starting up one of the computers for that purpose.

"What good is a list of names when they're already dead?!" Richard almost yelled, he could see where this was going and wanted to stop the process before the idea flowered in Ben's head.

"Do you want to take the chance that they all died Richard? the Purge was less then six months ago and your already turning another blind eye" Ben looked very angry "You know what Richard, if you want you can go down to the Looking Glass to help Greta and Bonnie since you arn't willing to help with anything else".

Ben left the station in a rush slamming the door behind him. Greta and Bonnie enjoyed being in the Looking glass and working with the communications equipment but for Richard it would be a living hell. He didn't want to be stuck in the Looking Glass but Ben would make sure he ended up there if he didn't go with the search crew.

"Why not go if they are already dead?" Mikhail asked Richard though the majority of his attention was still clearly on the monitors.

"What if they arn't, and they're all armed and waiting" Richard countered

"That isn't stopping Ben, besides how long do you think he is planning to leave you in the Looking Glass, a year, maybe ten?"

Richard could feel all colour and blood drain from his face. Ben was overall a nice guy but he had a very very cruel side that given the right situation he wouldn't hesitate to show. they had all learned that the night of the purge. Before he could think of a reason to stop himself he opened the door and ran out after Ben. He was not going to be forgot and left to rot away in a metal box floating on water.


	4. Memories Of Wonderland

It took Richard more time to catch up than Ben had expected, the answer however, was exactly what he was waiting to hear and knew he would hear. Richard would go with the search party, though he had to confess that he did think Ben was seriously overreacting, even for Ben's standards this was a bit much. They made it back to the Barracks in less time on this trip than the previous one and since they avoided the river this time they were less muddy too. The weather had not changed even slightly since hours before when they had left to travel to the Flame station. As they reached the Barracks they were both once again thoroughly soaked and though the sun had risen two hours ago it was covered from mortal eyes by blankets of rain clouds and as a result the sky was still dark, lit only by the occasional streak of lightning. Before they temporarily parted ways to dry off Ben had told Richard to get a few certain people: Danny, Ryan and Tom and that they were all to meet in one of the old storage rooms. This didn't need to turn into a widespread panic, especially not while the weather alone was chaos. He would gather up an elite little squad and deal with the problem before it even had to be broadcast, hopefully.

Ben went inside his house and hastily made his way to the bathroom, he didn't want to dry off the floor or break his back slipping on the puddle of water he would surely make if he stood anywhere too long. He quickly changed into dry clothes then thoroughly dried his hair and combed it to stand straight up like it generally did. Though the chances of his hair staying up in this weather were as good as a snowball's in hell but he had to at least make an effort. As he was walking out of the bathroom to check the time something caught his eye. It was an untouched bottle of gel, he was going to leave it but he saw himself in the mirror. Ben thought of how he would look if his hair were to lay flat.

He remembered grey jumpsuits, the alarms, the cans of Dharma labled beer on every flat surface in the house, his father and how he never even attempted to make up for forgetting. It all came back in a wave of searing pain, he could feel the tears beginning to form in his eyes. As much as it hurt to know his father didn't even try to remember his birthday and didn't care when confronted and questioned about it there was something that hurt a lot more. It was how he, Benjamin Linus, had fooled himself into thinking every year, that someday he would remember.

He suddenly caught himself, and forced the uneeded and unwanted memories away. He felt his fingers wrapped around the corners of the sink, they were bone white from the strain. He loosened them immediatly, nothing would explain ripping the sink out of the wall or two hand sized chunks out of the cheap stone structure. If anything he would only accomplish giving Harper something to feed off of and himself another well placed question to side step. Ben turned on the tap and splashed ice water on to his face and looked up to see if he had dampend his hair enough to make it fall. He studied his face in the mirror and couldn't help noticing how mature he looked with his hair standing straight, how different. Ben thought of how much he wanted, no needed to stay like this. Before he could stop more gel was in his hands than he needed. By the time he was done his hair was standing straight, was almost black and showed no sign of drooping anytime soon. He was satisfied.

Walking back into the living room he saw Eight looking back at him from her cage. Ben picked up the bag of rabbit food beside the cage and filled her bowl. He was two hours late for feeding her, this would have to be the first time he was late to feed her since the weeks before and after the Purge. Ben couldn't help but feel guilty for almost bolting out the door and leaving her again without food and Eight wasn't helping that guilty feeling pass. She was already half through the bowl of freshly poured food and was eating like she had starved for a week. Ben scratched behind the small animals ears "I don't know cpr for small glutinous animals so if you choke the likely hood of you surviving is slim to none". Eight continued eating Ben couldn't help but smirk listening to himself. If anyone had ever caught him talking to that rabbit, so help him he'd fake his own death. He turned and spotted the clock, apparently feeding Eight wasn't the only thing he was late for.

Ben entered the now vacant storage room it was all white the floor, walls, roof, table, chairs even the handles on both the front and back door. The floor was covered in about three inches of water it made little diference to them though, they were all wet and muddy up to their shins anyway. The room had no windows left intact so there was an occasional cold breeze that felt like icy fingers were running along your spine. He suppresed an oncoming shudder and firmly closed the door behind him. Everyone he asked for was there and Colleen was there too, Ben wasn't that suprised to see her. If her and Danny weren't fighting they were inseperable. The room had been in silence since he entered, except Tom hammering nails into the wall. It looked like he was nailing plastic over the now permanetly open window, Ben couldn't understand why he wasn't using tape.

"What were you doing Ben dying your hair?" Richard asked from the opposite side of the small table "It took you long enough"

"Sorry it took me a while, I didn't have a single pair of matching socks in the house that weren't wet". He answered in his most sincere voice.

"Ben, I can safely bet my retirement fund that there are enough chemicals in your hair right now to kill cockroaches." Danny had always been as blunt as a wrecking ball. It was a quality Ben sometimes liked and other times found there was nothing he hated more. "Right now though I don't give a damn about your hair, I just want to know why you called us out here. In the middle of a storm, to a cramped little room and why you-"

What ever Danny said next was drown out by Tom's sudden shreik of pain. Everyones eyes darted over and guns were drawn out of instinct and experience, they were still on edge from the time before the Purge. Ben alone was the only one left still sitting, he noticed the blood on the window pane and quickly realized Tom had only hit his finger with the hammer. It was a truly akward moment as everyone else lowered their weapons seeing it was just a simple accident. They were all looking from one another, some with unreadable expressions some red with embarrassment and sheepishly grinning.

"You can't use those nails Tom" Ben remarked.

Everyone else laughed, it wasn't that funny but after a tense moment like that someone would be inclined to laugh at their best friend tumble down a flight of stairs. The room went back to normal in a short period of time and everyone took a seat. The focus was back on Ben so he made the most of their undiveded attention and began.

"As you all have figured out by now, I am sure, this is going to be anything but good news. To make it short sweet and to the point, we may be at a risk of a suprise attack. There was a boat that crashed into the island a little over four hours ago. We are the infiltration squad, should everyone here be willing to help."


	5. Catch 22

The room went into complete silence at his words, so silent that Ben could hear the storm outside in perfect clarity. He made a mental note that it wasn't improving or worsening but remaining as it was, _story of the whole damn week_ he thought sarcastically. Danny, Colleen, Ryan and Tom all shared a look as if to confirm they had all heard correctly. It was a look of uncertinty and disbelief, none of them were at all extatic about another war.He didn't blame them, how could he? the war for all of them had been nothing but long, bloody, and miserable for both Dharma and the Hostiles, as they were called then. Danny was the only one who was undercover with him on the Dharma side. Danny was the best cover anyone could ever ask for, while they wasted their time questioning his allegiance Ben would be working out the great downfall of the Dharma initiative while everyone had their backs turned. Ben could only guess they all assumed his father was keeping him in line, that proved to be a fatal assumption to make on their part.

"Wait you mean you want to leave right now?" Colleen asked just realising the urgency in Ben's tone.

"How do we know a boat even crashed" Tom cut in, he, like Richard, could see where this was going."I mean the last time we spoke Ben, you said that every single camera on the island was down". He said desperatly as his eyes flicked to the glassless windows that framed the storm outside, Ben assumed that Tom was imagining what it would be like to be outside in that chaotic weather for more than the minute it would take for him to sprint home. Ben wasn't at all extatic about being outside either but he knew that living with the regret of cowering away inside would easily top off the discomfort of the wind and rain if someone was murdered, Ben also knew where people would rest the blame.

"Well" Ben started "Let's just say I know of a big metal station that floats on water and has the latest in sonar, communications and security technology that called the Flame station and said they were almost rammed by a ship big enough to hold forty people, give or take a dozen. Is that proof enough for you Tom?"

"Okay Ben, we didn't need the sarcasm but seriously what makes you think any of them survived. In this weather I doubt the fish are having it any easier than we are". Colleen asked reasonably.

Ben looked over at Richard he had the 'I told you so' smile on and was obviously happy that someone else saw it his way. Ben was very concerned to see how this turned out, everyone was so desperate to believe they were perfectly safe. He couldn't let them all turn a blind eye to this, that was the mistake they had made last time and it had cost them roughly fifteen years of war. Ben knew Danny and Tom would be likely to side with him if he acted now.

"Danny" Ben began and realised Danny wasn't looking at him. He must have guessed where this was going and didn't want to choose between the leader and his fiance. Life was full of these decisions Ben thought, without feeling a shred of guilt, and the sooner he got used to that the better it would be for all of them."Danny" he finally looked over, now that he had his attention Ben continued.

"I know your tempted to stay here and think that they all died in the crash, and I'm not saying they didn't because they might have died but wouldn't you rather see for yourself and make sure?."

"I'll go with you to be sure, Ben" Ryan said standing to emphasize he really meant it. Ben nodded in Ryan's direction to acknowledge he had heard and appreciated the support then looked back to Danny, he was looking back down at his feet. Ben decided the best course to take now was to switch targets. His eyes flicked to Tom.

"Tom, are you willing to come with me?" He asked. Tom still had his left index finger in his mouth from smacking it with the hammer, he nodded without looking up as Ben had guessed he would. Ben looked over to Danny once again. The vote rested on him, it could end in a tie or he could side with Ben.

"Look Ben" Colleen said as she reliesed Ben's gaze resting back on her fiance "i'm not saying I don't want to go i'm saying that i'm not going in this weather".

"You thought Ben wanted us to storm out in this weather and form a search party?" Ryan asked laughing "He didn't mean that, did you Ben?"

He forced up the most convincing smile he could manage "No, that would defeat it's purpose. The purpose of searching the area is to make sure we are safe". There was little point in arguing now. Everyone was already laughing and saying Ben would be a suicidal lunatic to lead them out in this weather, everyone except Richard that is. He was still sitting at the poorly lit side of the table to Colleen's left returning Ben's fake smile with a blank stare.

Ben knew Richard could see through the fake statement and smile as easily as he could see through glass. He had known Ben since he was only a child and probably understood the hell Ben would endure having to wait. With only the company of his own mind to keep him up all hours of the night, thinking up scenarios fit to petrify even someone like Mikhail. It was just the way Ben's mind worked, there was never a bright side, only the 'what if' and it all spiralled into a neverending nightmare from there.

Everyone was getting up to leave, as far as they were concerned the meeting was over. Ben realised he still had the smile fixed on his face and dropped it. No matter what he did it seemed he always needed a great deal of patience, something he was quickly running short of. He turned to join the rest of them and leave then as he looked ahead out the door he thought taking the backway out instead might be a better idea. Everyone who was out in the rain already was either doing a double take over their shoulder or walking sideway's and lipsinking something to him.

Ben didn't have the slightest idea what it was because of the lack of sun and silence out there but he could safely guess it wasn't good news. He moved over to the back door, soaking himself up to the knees in his attempt to be quick and quiet. He placed his hand on the white painted knob, Ben tried to turn it clockwise and counter clockwise to find it was locked from the outside. He looked along the side of the door and found there wasn't a lock on his side. Then again it was a storage room, what use would a lock for the inside be?.

He could hear her walking in and closing the door behind her without locking it. Ben didn't turn as she walked over to the table either or pulled out a chair and took her seat."You will notice that I locked the back door in the likely event that you would try to sneak away again. Have a seat". Well he was trapped, so he might as well suffer this through since she was in a half decent mood at least. Ben carefully put on the amused/curious expression that he practiced so often in the mirror, he found it to be very useful. His brain was firing up for every question she had the potential to ask and inventing reasonable answers and alibies for each one. His hand slipped off the knob and he turned to face Harper and all the seemingly innocent questions she had waiting for him. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity Ben was the one caught off guard, and the irony was so thick that Ben felt like he had every potential to drown.


	6. Pulling Strings

Harper wasn't the least bit suprised that Ben hadn't even so much as turned to confirm her place in the room yet. It would have actually caught her about ten miles off guard if he had. Ben just wasn't like that though, he had a tendancy to be cool and collected no matter what the situation may be. That was one of his many traits that kept her firmly on edge. As a matter of fact, there were so many that some days she found herself imagining him as a little more of a demonic spawn than a human. Ben finally turned, silently walked through the water that was up to his shins and took a seat opposite to her. Harper immediatly unzipped her leather bound binder to start with a few things she felt had to be dealt with.

"I apologize for not seeing you three days ago when you requested but I had a few things that had to be dealt with first" Ben said, his voice smooth and laced with sincerity, as always.

"That's fine" she answered without looking up, where had she put the notes on Ben? "I didn't expect you to make it anyway."

"Why would you say that?"

Harper looked up to meet his curious smile and his cold blue eyes that reminded her so much of mist, or of frost, depending on his tone it could easily go either way. He was leaning forward with his hands neatly folded on the table to show she had his complete and full attention. She let out an irritated sigh knowing she would have to get the notes later and just improvise for now. Getting every key she could dig up, stalking people around for three days, standing outside in what felt like a hurricane and she forgot the basic notes. Her proffesors would laugh themselves into a permanent coma if they could see this. She snatched a pen out of the slot in the cover of her binder and pulled out her notepad, she'd convert the notes to the originals later if she ever found them. Harper couldn't remember screwing up so horribly and entirely in her life.

"So Benjamin, I have a few questions to ask that are going to be very similair to the ones I asked the first time we talked. So just bear with me and it will be over before you know it." She was watching for a reaction to calling him 'Benjamin' as opposed to 'Ben'. Nothing yet, she noted as she glimpsed over at him from the notepad, though there was something wrong that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Benjamin where you raised by both parents or just one?" if this didn't get a reaction she didn't know what would.

"My father" he answered, the smile fading."Harper I really prefer Ben to Benjamin, if you don't mind."

"Okay Ben" she answered supressing a triumphant smile, she'd dig there some more the next chance she had. Right now she hoped his guard was scattered a bit. On a normal day Ben was the kind of person who could have a pleasent conversation for hours and not give away much personal information, if any. As impressive as that talent was it made her life on the island a living misery. Ben was the person who you were required to listen to and get the green light from. They said it was a democracy and they decided everthing together but that illusion faded fast when everyone was looking over their shoulder in fear of him appearing behind them if they did or said something wrong, As Ben seemed to actually enjoy doing so often. Harper thought it was really more of a fear tactic on his part, and was quick to write that under -'_look into reasoning behind "Ben" a.s.a.p'_.

The notes were starting to get wet from her touch, she was very thoroughly soaked from standing outside in the pouring rain to catch Ben alone and off guard. Harper felt as though she would never be warm or dry again, and wanted nothing more than to get this over quickly so she could go home, dry off and sleep through this constant miserable weather. She was placing the notes on the dry table to preserve them when she realised Ben's attention going to the inked paper like a starved vulture. Irritated she flipped the notepad shut and pulled it closer to her, He would have to do a hell of a lot better to pull one over on her that easy. His expression flicked back to polite curiosity in the blink of an eye and still she thought there was something off about him, or the way he was looking at her.

"So why weren't you brought up by both parents Ben?" she asked pretending she didn't already know.

"My mother died giving birth to me" Ben answered very simply without showing even a flash or hint of emotion.

"Okay I think that covers about all the basics so now we go into the new material. How does this system work?"

Ben looked around the room cautiosly and a wicked smile grew on his face, A smile that made Harper remember that cartoon _'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas'_."I hear you!" he called. Immediatly afterwards she heard faint but distinctive running from both windows of the cabin. There were two or more people on her left, she heard one trip and knock the other to the ground. Then heard more clearly the swearing that followed. She looked back to Ben who was watching out the window still smiling, almost laughing, as if he could see it happening clearly in front of him.

"How did you hear them out there?" she asked more out of amazment than anything. The only thing she could hear was the constant crack of deafening thunder and howling wind.

"I didn't, but I won't complain if they don't catch my bluff"

"Is that how you feel about people Ben, that it's okay to bluff, tell half truths, bend the truth or lie if people won't catch on?" Harper asked before she could stop herself.

He looked over at her, all traces of emotion gone from his face, his eyes piercing through hers and sending a cold chill down her spine that had nothing to do with the howling wind coming and going from the room.

"When have I ever lied to hurt someone" he asked his voice like ice, intensifying the chill running through her body.

Before she could answer a blast of wind came in through the window on the right. Harper pulled her long soaked hair out of her face and silently swore to herself if it rained like this for even three more day's she'd cut off at least six inches. Herself if necessary. She put her hands back on the table and realized that the notepad wasn't under her fingertips anymore. Harper frantically looked across the table to Ben. He clearly hadn't slipped it out from under her nose, his hands were still on the table though his attention was on the violent weather that was awaiting them outside. She looked to the pool of water, her last option.

There it was floating in a circular motion, sinking too the hard linolium floor, mocking her three day effort. She could have screamed, as if being in a room trying to weasel a clear answer out of Ben while being soaking wet and chilled to the bone wasn't misery enough. No, of course not, she had to misplace, no lose her old notes then have the knew ones literally run off the page. She pushed her chair back and stood to pick up the notes, though she was sure they were now completly worthless and illegible. As she took a step forward her skirt was intwined with the heavy metal chair. Harper easily lost her footing in the deepening water and fell to the floor, hard.

She felt a hand under her forearm and another gripping her elbow gently lifting her back to her feet. She had only the water to thank for the fact Ben wasn't carrying her out in an unconcious state. She choked out some water as she pushed her hair out of her face once more with the arm Ben wasn't still holding as a precaussion. she wrinkled her nose at the powerful smell of hair gel and looked over to Ben.

"You should really be wearing shoes more suited for this weather" he stated, a small smile playing across his lips. She was thankful that he seemed to have put the lying accusation aside, for now anyway. She would have scriblled a note down on that too if her paper wasn't currently sitting on the floor in a watery mess. She made a mental note on the severe overuse of the hair gel however and let her attention move from his hair to his eyes that were still monitoring her, Ben probably thought she was about to take another nose dive to the floor.

She realised it in that moment, the thing that had been bothering her throughout the conversation. It was his eyes. They weren't supposed to be misty blue, or any blue for that matter. She could remember the first time she met him as if it were yesterday. His eyes seemed to glow, his gaze was vibrant and mesmerizing it left her thinking about cats and how in myths and legends they guarded the gates of hell. She had nightmares about being in hell as Ben looked on from outside the gates, his intense and calculating gaze watching her as his expression remained indifferent.

"Is everthing alright?" He asked still wearing that slight smile

"Yeah, I'm fine" she lied. If his eyes were misty before they were sure as hell mesmerizing now, almost creating a new source of light in the room to be accurate."You know what, lets do this later I'm no longer up to it today"

"I'll see you when you do feel up to it then" he answered letting go of her arm finally. He left the room through the door she had left unlocked without making so much as an audible noise over the worsening storm outside. God, how that made her flesh crawl.

**Authors Note: My first authors note. Thanks for staying with me as long as you did if anyone is still here. I can promise you I won't start putting authors notes in all my chapters, I find them to be a pain in the ass really. Sorry for this chapter being so late, to sum it all up I was grounded, religious holiday and the literacy test. So I will be editing a lot of this chapter later and spell checking and grammar checking etc. About Ben's eye's I have been trying to find a place to work them in somewhere and this was an opportunity I wouldn't pass up for a gran so it's staying. I have watched the Ben scenes more times than it is healthy I know they are using contacts to change the eye colour, the resemblence in eye colour is too uncany to be natural. Besides I am sure if Richard is still be thirty after thirty years Ben can have a weird quirk with his eyes. Once again thanks for reading the next installment will be in whenever it's convienant for me. **


	7. Not By Choice:My First Imaginary Friend

Ben walked back to his house, no real point in running he wasn't late for anything and was soaked anyway. He opened the front door and stepped in, water dripping off his clothes onto the hard wood floor. Again he went to the bedroom and changed then he retrieved the mop in his bathroom. Ben was just finishing up mopping around the front door when he nearly fell over. He had blacked out for a moment, luckily he had grasped the mop handle before he hit the floor. He got back to his feet and realised for the first time that day just how tired he was. He looked over to the fridge considering caffiene, then decided against it, he was too far gone. So much for this battle on sleep, he could usually stay up double the number of days as he had this time. Then again, it wasn't everyday he: dashed off to the Flame station with news of a boat crashing, nearly drowned getting there- with Richard's assistance, the idiot- dashed back to debate conveniant times for everyone then had to have a very in depth conversation with Harper. He had every right to be exhausted.

Ben left the main room tripping over the mop and barely catching himself before he hit the floor, yet again. Annoyed he held the mop with both hands and walked into the small bathroom. He dropped the mop into the tub and left it there to dry out. Then, as much as he hated doing it he soaked his hair in the sink to wash the gel out. He would have never slept with that smell in the air, besides he had used way too much to begin with. Before leaving the bathroom and turning out the light he dryed his hair slightly and dropped the towl in the tub with the mop, he would wash out the smell later. Ben found himself in the bedroom before he knew it and was pulling off his socks. They were wet from the floor and he was glad to get them off. He would usually get undressed and slip under the covers but he was falling asleep right now. Ben stood up threw the covers back and slid in. His eyelids fell shut and he was asleep before he could adjust the blankets to fit more tightly around him.

_He had never realised how cold it was at night and just how dark it could get in the jungle. Ben looked back over his shoulder again, wishing now more than ever that he could go home. It seemed like the trees were trying to cover the Barracks from sight, and it was working. All the branches were weaving themselves together and the jungle kept on getting darker. Richard came back and pulled him around by the shoulders, then knelt down on one knee so he was more on his level._

_Richard looked him straight in the eye and told him "Ben, trust me your going to really like him and he has wanted to see you for quite some time. Just keep walking and you will be there before you know it". Ben didn't know what to do, Richard reminded him so much of Horace personality wise but someone he didn't like so much in his appearance. he looked down to the ground and fiddled with his glasses for the fourth time that night already. There was no denying it, he was really scared and wanted to go back. What if something drug him away? what if he got lost? what if these weren't really good people? He was getting ready to bolt back through the woods and run until he was in his bedroom to stay there forever without ever sleeping again. Tom must have realised this because he stepped directly behind him. _

_"Look" Tom said, also getting down on one knee to speak with him eye to eye "I know you probably want to run back home because it's a little akward to be out in a jungle with three people you hardly know, but trust me you will be so happy you went through with it later. It's better than having to try again some other night isn't it?" Ben just nodded and they both got back to their feet, Richard finally releasing his shoulders. He didn't want to know what Tom meant by trying again, as far as he was concerend he was never coming out here after dark again. Richard walked in front of him beside the woman that he had never seen but Ben couldn't help but notice how Tom stayed behind him. Just in case he had a sudden change of mind he thought._

_When he looked up again they were standing in front of the cabin, it was a truly horrifying sight. The bright, full moon, now fully visible that they were in a clearing was casting sinister shadows over the small cabin. He didn't know why but he felt a powerful aura of menace as he looked it over, a cold chill traveled through him and lingered. Yet at the same time was drawn to it, like a moth to flame. Ben tore his eyes away and realised that the woman and Richard were argueing about something. He strained his ears to catch what they were saying, knowing he probably wasn't going to like it._

_"...No were not sending him in with the lamp are you insane? he'll kill himself and burn down the cabin with him."_

_"He's only what, twelve? Richard your going to give..."_

_That was all he needed to hear they were going to lock him in the dark cabin that probably had something in it that was waiting butcher him. Ben turned quickly and began sprinting for all of three seconds before Tom caught him with one massive hand. Ben twirled to his left and slipped out of his grip but didn't have time to pick up momentum again. Richard had tackled him from the left and knocked him to the ground. Ben spit some dirt out of his mouth and felt the blood on and around his lips, mixing with the dirt that covered the bottom half of his face. Richard pulled him up one hand holding his wrists the other manouvering him up by the collar of his shirt. _

_Ben's vision had become blurry, his glasses must have fallen off when Richard had tackled him. No one had said a word since he had tried to run. Even now they remained silent._

_"Please don't lock me in there" he pleaded, it was his last option "I don't want to go in, please don't leave me"_

_"Richard we can't-"_

_"Don't you even start" Richard growled, gripping Ben's arm tighter "You wouldn't know we were decapitating him the way your acting Tina"_

_"Well look at him he's terrified, and you jumping on him didn't help much either. He's just a little thing, it could have been a hell of a lot worse than a bloody lip Richard. We don't even know if he can do it anyway what's our guarentee" Tina replied getting angrier._

_"Richard, maybe she's-"_

_"Shut up Tom" Richard said before Tom could get in his opinion "Look the kid saw his dead mom strolling around the woods, I think that's guarentee enough" Richard answered through clenched teeth. At this Tom and Tina both glanced over at him, looks of suprise on their face. Ben had been listening carefully through their conversation for any way they might let him go, it helped take his mind off the throbing pain in his wrists too. _

_"No I didn't, I didn't see her I just made that up because I thought he was cra-"_

_"Bullshit" Richard muttered, his grip tightened even more as he pushed him closer to the cabin. The throbbing pain in his wrists became more pronounced, like fire now. Ben dropped to his knees half to prevent himself from being pushed half from the agonizing pain in his wrists. Richard tried to pull him up and without the support of his legs that simple movement gave him a whole new definition of pain. A scream ripped from him and he could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks already. It seemed to have startled Richard enough to let his arms down and loosen his grip slightly, though it still hurt._

_"Richard you dickhead! your going to rip his arms off!" Tina screamed over at him. She was marching over to him now, her face red with rage. She looked ready to punch him or even start an all out brawl._

_"If you only came along to whine then-"_

_Whatever he was about to suggest they never heard, it was her turn to cut him off."Richard, get him into that cabin without hurting him or I swear I'll smack your head off where you stand" she said seething, not even three inches from his face._

_"I have an idea" Tom cut in before all hell could break loose. Tina and Richard both glared at him, rage evident on both their faces and flaring in their eyes. Ben could see this, his sight was terrible but he was kneeling directly below them and it was hard to miss. Tom cautiously walked forward as though he was walking towards a panther ready to pounce._

_"Richard you take his arms and I'll take his legs that's about the easiest solution that we could use" Tom stated._

_They both nodded and Tom leaned down to get his ankles. Ben made an attempt to grab his ankles with his own hands and keep himself locked like that until the sun came up if neccesary. Richard unfortunatly caught on and pulled his arms up slightly. Ben let out a hiss of pain, it was only a few inches but the fact still remained, arms are not supposed to go that far back. Tom had a firm hold on both his ankles and they were carrying him up the porch. Ben was looking up at Richard, he couldn't help but make one last attempt._

_"Please don't make me go in" he begged "I'll do anything you want, I'm really good at cooking and I clean up-"_

_"Ben, relax" Richard said smiling down at him as he opened the door "You will thank us later" They tossed him in and pulled the door closed. Despite the pain now throbbing all the way up to his shoulders he found the strength to throw himself at the door. He tried to turn the handle but they were obviously holding it in place from the other side. All he could think to do now was scream. He called them every filthy word he had ever heard his father use, which was quite a list. In his rage he threw in some he made up too. Eventually his voice began to crack and his throat burned so he gave up on screaming, he'd made his point clear anyway._

_"Are you done?"_

_Ben swirled around so fast the pain in his arms flared again, he winced and gritted his teeth to supress any noise that he might have made. Ben examined the cabin's interior to the best of his abilitys: a table, a window that allowed moonlight to stream through and a rocking chair. He jumped back, there was a person in that chair, a silhoutte the way he saw things but still. The silhoutte stood up, it was so much larger than he assumed it would be when it was sitting down. It began advancing on him and talked in a cruel voice with an edge of savage humour, much how he imagined the boogymans would be._

_"My my you have a filthy mouth for such a young boy" It sniggered "Where did you learn such words?"_

_"My father" he answered, hoping it sounded more calm than he felt. He was really, seriously considering trying the window._

_"You don't like your father much do you Ben, the way he drinks himself to sleep, hoping he never has to wake up again, hoping he never has to see you again."_

_"He doesn't mean to" Ben said fiercely, rising to his feet "He drinks because it's addicting, because hostiles are attacking constantly, because he hasn't got a promotion and because life is stressful. It has nothing to do with me." _

_"It has everything to do with you Ben, he hates that you lived and she died, he'd trade your life for hers without ever feeling a shred of remorse." The voice stated plainly. Though Ben couldn't see anything more than a silhoutte he could tell by the way it spoke that it was enjoying every second of this. The silhoutte was hovering above him now blocking out all light, and all hope of a window escape. Ben wanted to say something sharp that would leave this figure unable to reply but he didn't even know where to begin._

_"Here's how it's going to be, I'll call you back later and we can have a nice long talk then."_

_"Yeah, and your just going to call and ask for Ben Linus to please trek through the jungle at some ungodly hour of the night. No one will suspect a thing." He answered sarcastically, which proved to be a big mistake. The figure grabbed his already burning throat and drug him up the wall to meet it's gaze. He instinctivly grabbed the arm pinning him to the wall, at the very touch the flesh on his palms began to blister and burn like he was touching a stove instead of an arm. There were no eyes but he could feel hellishly hot breath on his face, more like steam he thought. The voice spoke and this time it seemed to be coming from every corner of the cabin._

_"I will call you back to discuss some important issues Ben, you will know because only you can see and hear the signs. You will come back to me or you __**will**__ wish you had died with your mother. Oh and a little safe guard, just in case."_

_Before Ben could stop himself from panicking long enough to even think of a reply the silhouette had one hand over both his eyes and forehead. He felt his eyes begin to burn like they had been filled with acid. Ben let out a scream that would ensure he wouldn't say another word for almost a week. Outside the clouds parted, and it began to rain._


	8. Gone But Not Forgotten

He must have been screaming during the nightmare because it was the first thing Ben noticed when he woke up. The burning sensation which he had carried from his dreams into reality wasn't so easily put to a stop. The pain was instantly unbearable and Ben had pressed the palms of his hand to his eyes as quickly as he could manage. This sudden movement was probably to blame for Ben flipping out of bed and hitting his head against the nightstand, causing the alarm to go off. The alarm wasn't going to distract him from getting some form of liquid to stop or at least ease the pain in his eyes. At that moment he would have jumped into a sewage pipe if it meant stopping the pain. Ben half crawled, half crouched his way to the bathroom. Past experience had taught him never to stand and run anywhere when he could see nothing, the lesson had been well learned. He felt the doorframe of the bathroom and crawled in, one hand stretched to his right so he could feel the sink. Ben felt his finger tips meet the cheap stone and he put his left hand up to grip the edge while his right turned on the cold water tap. He turned the tap as far as it would go, feeling the material crack under the force of his palm. The running water rushed over his hand and he brought it back to smear the icy liquid into his eyes. It burned more at first but after reapeting it maybe ten or more times the acidic pain had stopped entirely.

Ben opened his eyes before getting off his knees to check his face in the mirror. He peered into severly bloodshot eyes that were well brought out by the dark rims lineing them, the growing bruise on his forehead wasn't helping his appearance either. Ben twisted the little that was left of the tap to the left and the water stopped flowing immediatly as if gravity had just ceased to exist in his sink. He was leaving the bathroom when he did a double take over his shoulder and looked back into the mirror. Ben stepped back and leaned in closer to the mirror to be sure, he always had to be sure beyond a reasonable doubt. He allowed a small smile to form, since no one was around he could let it slip. On his way out he flicked the light switch and left the door open. He was right of course, it was something so plainly obvious that finding himself to be wrong after all these years would mean losing a good deal of self respect."My eyes are green" he said to himself mostly just to hear something besides the blaring alarm and the violent storm outside.

He knew his way around the house off by heart but he wasn't going to test if he knew where the cutlery was in the dark. He came to the end of the hall and switched on the kitchen light. Ben usually would avoid turning on lights if he just woke up from a nightmare, it would only keep him awake longer and sleep meant nothing if it consisted of nightmares. He pulled down a glass from the right side of the cupboard (where he kept the bigger glasses) and held it under the running tap. He took a sip, the aftermath of the dream was already catching up with him his hands were shaking violently and his breath was already ragged. He had been fighting this off all day but knew it was coming no matter what.

The memories generally came when he was deeply worried, stressed, topics on the past brought up or a combination of the three. Today they were all thrown at him from every angle, you'd almost think there was a conspiracy going on to disrupt the wiring in his head and the whole town was participating. It was so bad this morning that he almost broke down in front of the bathroom mirror just after arriving back from the Flame station and that was from worry and stress alone. He hated days like this most of all because these were the times he wanted to be left alone but it seemed like something always came up. Ben looked down to his shaking hands-

_his shaking bloodstained hands._

Something within him snapped and Ben heard the glass shatter against the wall before he was aware of throwing it. Until around two years ago he never truly understood what people meant when they said "emotions will find a way to express themselves one way or another". Now it was something he experianced almost every time he slept and was left alone to his thoughts. Tonight it just seemed to be a more acute feeling than usual, like they were all there, with him, watching from the shadows. That thought was very unsettling, as Ben stood in the well light kitchen looking into the dark rooms around him. Throughout his childhood he always believed monsters would get him and drag him away if he got to close to the shadows. It was an embarrasing fear that Ben knew he still harbored just by the way all his senses heightened with a single glimpse down the hall. From where he was standing his destination looked a mile away lit up by only the occasional flash of lightning coming in through the four doorways down that hall.

Ben's eyes flicked over to the clock hanging by the bookcase, it was encased in glass so he could see the time lit up very clearly from the reflection of the light coming from the kitchen. It was a good look at how stiff he was going to be in the morning anyway, only quarter after ten. It wasn't really that suprising, he had fallen asleep before noon so he would have to wake up some time in the late evening. Ben went to look through his fridge when he slipped and fell flat on his back. sharp pain was flaring all through him now with every movement, he must have landed on the glass. He rolled himself onto his side and was horrified to see blood flowing across the floor at an alarming rate. He couldn't be bleeding that much or he'd be-

_dying like she was right now. In his arms as the lights in her eyes faded to a dim flicker then were gone, never to be seen again. _

He sprang to his feet and bolted down the hall so fast he slammed into the wall at the end, turned left and shoved the door open all within the space of a breath. Ben stood there panting as he slid to the floor, a dull pain throbbing through his back as he slouched against the locked door. A flash of lightning gave him a clear view of his office. A bookcase on either side of a fairly large desk that stood in front of a small wooden chair. The window was a reasonable size and was behind his desk so that his chair was faceing away from it. Ben didn't face the window for the same reason his chair was wood, he didn't want to be distracted. Another flash of lightning lit the room again as he rose from the floor and slowly made his way towards the desk. Ben looked behind the desk before stepping past it, The last thing he wanted was to dream up an arm to claw at his ankles and be forced to escape throught the closed window. More lightning revealed that no paranormal creatures were lurking under his desk and he could relax.

Taking his seat Ben glanced over his shoulder out the window, people could see in just as easily as he could see out. He was about to stand and draw the curtains then made a concious decision not too. He would never have a moments peace or happiness if thoughts of everyone creeping around his windows and lurking in the shadows plagued him day and night. True, they had been outside eavesdropping on his conversation with Harper earlier but as long as he was careful it wouldn't matter if he announced and documented the mental health evaluation. That reasurance brought a small smile to his face, as long as he was careful eh? Ben was always careful and took great pride in proving that time and time again sometimes he even suprised himself with his improvising abilitys and resourcefulness. He turned back to his desk to retrieve what he came in for to begin with.

He knelt down and opened the drawer on the bottom left, he had left it unlocked a week ago and never bothered to retrace his steps for the keys. It wasn't that they were lost, they were never lost it was just that Ben had so many hiding places it was hard to keep a mental record of them all. The drawer opened without a sound, like it was glideing open on a cloud. He pulled out the first heap of paper work that covered what he really wanted. Then after he set the papers neatly to one side Ben reached in for the little box, he still tied it with the once royal blue ribbon. After all these years however It was no longer royale blue but faded to almost white and was unweaving itself at both ends. On some level he did care but what was inside the box made all those thoughts of the ribbon and the poor state the box itself was in dissolve away. He opened the lid simultaneously with a flash of lightning and saw the black eyes and lips smileing up at him from the depths of the box.

_She would never smile again, her face was forever frozen with the horror that filled her last breath before the accident._

Ben reached forward and picked up the crudely carved doll head first and held it in the palm of his left hand. It seemed so much smaller now that he was older but meant so much more since she was gone. He ran his thumb along her painted hair, it hadn't been brown since she was young as she grew older it had lightened and became-

_blonde and stained with bright red blood, blood that also masked the beautiful, perfect features of her face._

Ben did feel guilt for what had happened, but not guilt in the way people would imagine he should feel it. He never felt guilt for the way it ended just disgusted at his severe lack of self control, he honeslty always held himself to a higher standard than that. The memory of how he had just lost his temper in a heartbeat still haunted his thoughts. Was he really so easily provoked? Ben pushed the thought aside and looked into the dolls led based eyes, his mind now filled with thoughts of all he had done wrong. He was never open with her, never even hinted on how he felt, sometimes went out of his way to avoid her out of shyness, it was really a wonder she didn't think him to be mentally challenged he thought grimly. Maybe she did, maybe that's why she had began avoiding him in the last few months. All that was trivial, however, she had made the first move and that is what mattered. It was her that wanted to be with him, she had expressed that very clearly on his thirteenth birthday _"now we'll never be apart"._

Ironically she was right, Ben found he was smirking as he walked to the door and headed to the bathroom. He found himself snickering at the new found irony and again let the emotion pass uncensored, he was still alone so it didn't matter. What made him so horribly gleeful at the moment was the knowledge that while he held a doll that represented her she held the other that represented him. In a way they would always be together, a way that he, himself had made sure of. Ben looked down at the little doll that stood on the sink forever smiling back at him and felt compelled to say something, as though he was speaking directly to her."Now I'll always be yours and you will always be mine".

* * *

**All I can really say is that it took a while to iron out which theory I wanted to go for with Annie. Then after that finding the right quotes and some evidence was a whole new challenge. Then after all that i still had to work out the elements of the story. I hope you enjoy it more than I enjoyed writing it, this particular chapter turned out to be a huge pain in the ass and gave me headaches like I never had before. **

**ps. I do know these past few chapters have strayed from the initial story and I promise the next one gets back on track.**

**pps. I see a line on my screen seperating my rant and excuses from the good stuff though you probably won't. I still say it's worth a try.**


	9. No Place Like Home

The submarine jerked violently to the left as it finally submerged and docked. Ethan who had just been knocked to the floor, yet again, didn't hesitate to let out a stream of swearing, he'd had to change his shirt twice from attempting to enjoy lunch. Richard and Mikhail had warned him about the weather they would probably run into but that didn't stop Ethan, at least he couldn't say he wasn't warned. It was obviously still storming like it was roughly a week ago when they left. Everyone could easily tell from the way the submarine jerked all through the journey and the occasional electrical disturbances. Richard was not at all eager to go back somewhat because of the bad weather but mostly because they where late, three days late. Reeling in Ethan wasn't a walk in the park but Ben wasn't about to see things that way. he was at the heights of a poisonious mood lately and his appearance reflected that well with his dark rimmed blood shot eyes, pale appearance and messy hair which he usually kept spiked, he looked like a walking corpse.

Goodwin looked up from the lower bunk he had relaxed on for the duration of the trip, Ethan's lunch had landed in a mess across his chest and the plate was nowhere to be seen."Well Ethan it would appear I caught most of your lunch but I don't think you want it now" he said and broke into laughter immediatly afterwards. Richard laughed too after seeing Ethan look under his bed at the lower bunk and snort with disgust, he was in a bad mood and didn't find the joke funny at all.

"Is anyone coming or do you all have plans to keep Benjamin waiting even longer?" Mikhail called down in his strong Russian accent.

"I'm coming" Richard replied with regret, he didn't want to be the first up because he knew Ben would be right there waiting."Ethan and Goodwin will be up soon they just have to finish lunch."

He could hear Goodwin laugh at the well placed pun as he began ascending the ladder, luckily Ethan didn't take much time cleaning off and was coming up right after him. For the ten second climb up the ladder Richard was lost in thought, thinking up good ways to explain why they were late without making Ben even more aggrevated. Richard knew his efforts on that would probably amount to nothing more than a waste of time, no excuse was ever good enough for Ben if things didn't go the way he wanted. He finally crawled through the exit and stood next to Mikhail on the submarine while his clothes were gradually soaked, it was raining and they had forgotten to bring raincoats. Richard wasn't really suprised, they had to forget something under that pressure and it was four in the morning when they were just setting off. Richard had the impression Ben didn't want Bea to find out, the theory made perfect sense. Bea greatly disliked Ben it would be fair to say she might even hate him. He wasn't sure, but Richard sometimes felt that the reason Bea was so hostile towards their new leader was because she was jelous of him being favored as leader. She was quick enough to critisize every choice he made and point out every one of his mistakes, no matter how small.

As Mikhail knelt down to give Ethan a helping hand out of the submarine something caught Richard's eye. Two people at the other end of the dock, each wearing a black raincoat with the hoods pulled low over their faces. He could see that the shorter of the two was Ben, his raincoat had very few wrinkles in it and was very well kept, especially for an introduction. The other person was taller, not that height helped much when compared with Ben. He was the shortest person on the island aside from Karl, not that babies counted, and in time Karl would most likely be taller than him too. He looked the taller person over, it definatly wasn't Tom or Danny, the person was most likely female._'Maybe it's Colleen'_ he thought _'but what would she be doing out here, she hates rainy weather and she doesn't need to be out here last I checked. Wait Ben doesn't seem to be talking to her, what if it's Bea! oh that would be great' _Richard thought sarcastically_ 'all we need is for them to be at each others throats while were in the woods looking fo a group of people we know nothing about.'_

Mikhail and Ethan were stepping off the submarine so Richard followed suit and slid down behind them as the hooded figures advanced up the wooden dock towards them. A few feet from them the smaller figure pulled back his hood and revealed himself to be Ben, as Richard had assumed. The first thing Richard noticed was how strangely well he looked, no pale complextion, no hair sticking out a weird angles, it was all done spikey the way he liked it, no dark rims around his eyes, his eyes were no longer bloodshot or his natural colour for that matter. They were a dull, light green colour that he had never seen on Ben before. Ethan stepped forward and shook his hand Ben introduced himself and welcomed him to the island with a lot of flattery but somehow managed to keep his stoic demeaner at all times. Whoever the other hooded person was she remained about a foot behind Ben on his left and silent.

Ben finally wrapped up the greeting after hearing Tom strolling up the dock and handed Ethan over to Tom and let them head back to the Barracks so the doctor could dry off before he caught a cold. After Ben was sure they were both a good distance out of earshot he turned his attention back to them. He walked until he was directly in front of them both with maybe a foot seperating them. Richard knew the leader wasn't going to be pleased but he hadn't expected him to be this upset. He could tell by the way Ben's unatural eyes seemed to dance as if ablaze that he was genuinely furious.

Someone above was really favoring them that day because just as Ben opened his mouth to speak Goodwin slipped down the submarine and into the water. The hooded person tore past them and had a rope in the water to drag him out before Ben could even bark those orders. Mikhail, Richard and the leader all pulled him up and out of the water by the rope while the hooded figure hooked her arms around his chest and pulled him up to the dock. She fell backwards and Goodwin almost landed on her as a result. He looked down into her face and smiled "I missed you so much, why did you never write to me?"

She laughed and sat up, _'It's Harper?' _Richard thought as he saw her short black hair fall over her dark eyes which actually seemed to glow at the sight of this new man._'What happened to her hair, and more importantly how does she know this guy and why isn't she being so cold to him'._ Then something happened that confused him even more she actually hugged Goodwin and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm just so happy that you're here now" Harper said in response to his question. That seemed to suit Goodwin just as much as an answer because he just smiled back and replied "I'm happy to be anywhere, as long as it's with you". He stood up and gently guided her up to his side. Goodwin finally acknowledged Ben's existenance and asked "So you're Ben, right?"

Quickly forgetting his confusion at the situations that just unfolded in front of him Richard took this opportunity to speak with Mikhail. Goodwin and Ben would probably take some time making their first impressions on one another."I'll take the blame, you say nothing, it will work out better for us both this way".

"No, I can not do that" Mikhail answered.

"Mikhail, Ben is not the kind of guy that says you did a half-assed job and then forgives you by lunch. Ben is the kind of guy who doesn't forgive or forget past mistakes and at the same time doesn't let anyone else forget either. I honeslty believe you tried to the best of your abilitys and it was my own mistake to send you to get Ethan, You should have been the one to get Goodwin. Your not the one who deserves the blame and you really shouldn't feel that you have to stand by me here."

"Somehow I get the feeling Ben would think less of us both if he had the idea that you were defending me." Mikhail answered plainly.

Richard knew that the veteran was right, mostly from past experience in argueing with Ben. The two things you had to be prepared and willing to do when arguing with Ben was to lose and to admit you were wrong. Then if Ben felt the need to be particularly cruel you had to be prepared to listen to all the flaws in your arguement. All in all Ben generally found a savage pleasure in tearing people down, Richard had seen that detestable trait within their leader many times and somehow believed that one attribute to just be the surface of what Ben was always hiding behind his layers of rehearsed facial expressions. As Goodwin and Harper left together arm in arm chatting together Richard felt his heart sink like a sponge left on the surface of water.

Ben again turned to face them, this time he seemed to be more relaxed and ready to hear an explanation and apology than before. Richard decided it would be best to take the first wave of anger so Ben would be easier on Mikhail. after all Mikhail had only been on the island three months and didn't need this misunderstanding following him around for the next decade, and in Richard's mind Mikhail had done nothing wrong anyway.

"Ben, I'm sorry that-"

"I'll deal with you later" Ben said his tone hard just like his unaturally tinted eyes "I'd like to have a word with Mikhail at the moment and you have to speak with Tom."

Richard glanced over at Mikhail not caring that Ben could see or that he would probably bring this up later and question him about it. The veteran nodded and Richard hesitantly left Mikhail's side and walked past Ben. He felt responsible for however the leader was planning punish him, even though he knew that the chances of them ever getting back when Ben expected were slim to none. He finally arrived at Tom's doorstep feeling very thoroughly miserable and ashamed that he hadn't taken all the blame upon himself. No matter how he looked at it the fact remained that Mikhail was being punished for something that wasn't his fault and he had left the instant Ben had offered a way out.

"What reason do you have to look miserable?" Tom asked from the doorway cheerily "You didn't have to deal with Ben all week".

Richard couldn't help but smile slightly, Tom seemed to radiate a good mood into everyone even on the darkest, rainiest days.

"Well my advice to you would be to start packing right now, were leaving at dawn" Tom said as Richard followed him into the house.

Richard felt his heart skip a beat, or two, they were leaving already. Ben must have really put his persuasion skills to the test while he was gone, sadly it appeared he had won. Looking back however Richard had an epiphany, had Ben **ever** really lost at anything, or more importantly had he ever lost at anything that mattered?


	10. Eye Of The Storm

No one had slept, by the time the sun first appeared over the horizen they were in an absolute panic that things had been forgotten, misplaced, didn't have batteries or just might not work after being left alone for so long. Tom was always amazed at how double checking things seemed to only make the situation worse. Then by the time the bag was checked for the seventh time it seemed what was once needed turned into an uneeded luxury and tossed aside. He also found that if you dumped it more than four times you would only have to carry half of what was originally thought to be useful, the wonders of improvision.

He was now currently outside eating a small breakfast of leftover fish from two days ago. Tom had brought Ben fishing as a favour to himself and everyone else after the little leader had spent the previous day pacing the docks like a mad man. Ben eventually agreed to go with Tom after he reasoned that the little leader would be soaked anyway so he may as well enjoy himself. Unlike everyone else, who believed Ben to have some phycological disorder, Tom actually enjoyed Ben's company. Tom was a man who liked to talk and the little leader really didn't seem to mind listening, in fact he actually seemed interested and it was a welcome change from everyones complaints that he had already told them. Unfortunatly Ben didn't seem too interested in his stories that day, or anything that wasn't submairne, time, ship or 'state of emergency' related. He had refused to go anywhere that they wouldn't be able to see the submairne dock and though the little leader had agreed to go fishing he had never agreed to enjoy himself.

"Tom is that even cooked?" He turned to see who had asked the question, it didn't help much to turn and look at the person though. If he didn't distinctly know Richard's voice he would have never guessed it was him. He was wrapped up in a long camaflouge raincoat with the hood pulled so far down you couldn't even make out his nose._'Well i'll be damned, there must be some things even the great negotiater doesn't want to test his luck at'_Tom thought while he took in the sight of the camoflauged figure._'Not that I can blame him, Ben's favor isn't something I would want to test and toy with either._ Tom thought of Richard as more of a negotiater than anything else the same way he thought of Ben as the island's 'little' leader. The way he saw things great leaders and there advisors are not only remembered by their deeds but also by there defined qualitys and habits.

"In hiding I see" Tom commented. Everyone knew Richard wasn't exactly in Ben's good graces at the moment.

"No I'm just prolonging the inevitable" Richard answered cheerfully.

"Okay, what is it" Tom asked knowing that Richard was bursting to tell him something.

"It's finally coming out after ten years" the negotiater answered smileing

Tom suddenly realized what Richard must be talking about and nearly dropped his seafood breakfast in suprise. He had thought for sure they were eventually just going to give up on it and leave it for someone else to put together. Especially upon hearing that Tim Burton had put together another movie that he had greatly enjoyed despite his dissapointment at loseing hope in ever watching the one he really wanted to see. He didn't know how he was going to take Michael Keaton seriously as Batman though. After seeing him portray Beetlejuice so well it would definatly be a challenge, a challenge he could now look forward too if Richard wasn't just pulling his leg.

"Don't get your hopes up on it coming out anytime too soon though" Richard said dropping the cheery act.

"There's been a writers strike since March seventh and it doesn't look like it's ending anytime soon." He stated sounding more than a little depressed."They butchered Star Trek though, it was made up entirely of clips from other episodes. Right on the finale too and get this, the title was called 'Shades Of Grey' how suiting."

Tom found himself smiling at the joke despite the inflateing dissapointment at the possibility of having to wait even longer for the movie he had wanted to see for so long. It seemed that everything was working against this movie hitting theatres, the script rewrites, the limited budget, Warner Bros hesitation to support the many rewrites and now a writers strike too. Tom looked over and saw that Richard was studying his facial expression, in the same calculateing way that Ben did at times. He didn't know who copied it from who or if they were both just observant to begin with but it would definately be an interesting story to hear some time, if there was one behind it. The negotiater let out a slight sigh and reached into his coat pocket pulling out a red plastic bag.

"I was going to save this for your birthday but that's still a long time, besides I think you might enjoy it more now" Richard said in a bit of a guilty tone as he handed it over.

Tom handed his fish breakfast to Richard who accepted it between his thumb and index finger while holding it at a distance. He probably just didn't like the sticky sauces Tom had soaked it in. Tom pulled back the plastic carefuly as he tried not to touch the contents of the bag with his hands, he didn't want the sauces on whatever was inside just as much as Richard didn't want them on his fingers. Finally the cover emerged from the red bag. Tom would have been happy if it was a comic book but it made his day to discover that it was actually a graphic novel, and one with nothing but good reviews at that.

After thanking Richard at length for the gift he decided to squirrel it away in a safe place so he could read it when he came back. There was no amount of money that could convince him to risk the safety of such a special gift by bringing it along on the voyage through the jungle. Especially a voyage where they would be armed and on the watch for anyone they had never seen before that was very likely dangerous. In all honesty the only reason Tom agreed to go was because he absent mindedly agreed when Ben asked._'Why did I even agree to go anyway?'_ He asked himself as he opened the door to his house and let Richard follow._'I don't feel nervous now but the instant the Barracks are out of sight I'm really going to wish I had never left. Ben probably only wanted me to be at the meeting because he knew I would support his desicion. His point did make perfect sense though, they might be waiting out there to attack us at the first chance they get. I just wish he wouldn't have asked me to tag along. Chances are I'll get startled at some noise and shoot off my own foot, then Ben will have reason to be pissed._

Tom shuddered at the thought of the icy glare the little leader was sure to give him if something like that did happen. Then almost laughed out loud noticing that his thoughts were more focused on how Ben would react in the event that he shot his own foot off than the obvious agonizing pain he would be feeling. Tom slid the graphic novel in his sock drawer where he was sure it would remain safe and easy to find later then left his room. Rentering the room he saw Richard still standing at the door, obviously expecting to just return to the insane weather outside immediatly._'No way, I might be on the search crew but I'm not standing out there and catching a cold while everyone else scrambles to get ready when I've been ready to go since four'._"Have a seat Richard, we can relax for a little while"Tom offered "besides it will give Ben a chance to cool off for a bit so he doesn't behead you on sight, I heard him yelling at Kaleb earlier, and he wonders why he's loseing his hair."

As Richard removed his raincoat chuckling at the comment and taking a seat on the couch Tom, being a good host, went to the kitchen to get a small breakfast for his guest. He quickly decided on giving him a peach, Tom left the kitchen and took a seat beside Richard as he turned on the radio beside him. He didn't recognize the station but didn't really mind, it was just there to tune out the storm anyway. Richard had thanked Tom for the peach before he had even handed it to him and was already bitting into it as he handed Tom his fish back. They both ate silentley for a short period of time, it wasn't an akward silence though just a 'I have my mouth full of food and it's impolite to talk with you mouth full' kind of silence. After a while Tom could feel Richards black eyes watching him and politley turned to acknowledge he was listening.

"Tom, I have a question, if Ben is still in a rotten mood and is just as wrathful as ever then how does he actually look... well, not like a walking corpse?

Tom nearly choked on the last bite of his fish hearing that, he would have assumed it was very obvious why he looked so well. He looked back to Richard and smiled as a perplexed expression spread over the negotiaters features. Now Tom really did laugh and before Richard said anything else he quickly answered his question.

"It's makeup Richard, he wanted to look his best for his first impression on Ethan and Goodwin so he just put on a layer or two of makeup."

Richard looked at Tom as if he had just told him that Ben had been living in an underwater kingdom with Merpeople for a week. It was ingrained into the little leaders image to act strange but was very out of character for him to actually do anything strange, so the honest suprise on Richard's face was very understandable. They both laughed for a little while longer then Tom decided it might be best for them to be outside with the rest of the group. He had turned to shut off the radio when he felt Richard's hand on one of his shoulders.

"Hold that thought for a moment Tom, we just might want to wait this out." Richard said in a very grave voice Tom didn't know him capable of. He couldn't see the matching expression on the negotiaters face however because he was gazeing out the window. Tom stepped up beside Richard and followed his gaze and was both shocked and curious at the same time, last he heard she was across the island in the Pearl. It was Bea and she was almost stomping over to Ben who still had his back turned. Apparently the little leader heard that someone was coming and was not pleased as he turned to face her directly. It suddenly felt like everything had froze in motion everyone outside had stopped what they were doing and most likely weren't even daring to draw breath as they watched on. In fact the only thing that didn't seem to freeze was the radio, which continued playing despite the powerful storm brewing out the front door.

_

* * *

_**Authors Note: Wow this one took a while you keep thinking one more paragraph, just one more and then it becomes three. I guess storys have a way of doing that though, they take on a life of their own. Anyway to get to the point for all you invisible people who read this story for fun everynow and then, The next chapter is going to be a while. I've decided to finally put another story idea on paper (or more realistically to data) and to do that I need ****ALL**** my attention over there. Don't worry though I swear I ****WILL**** continue this story no matter how long it may take to put up the next chapter. I would never accept a barely done story as complete. Thanks in advance for your patience and understanding.**

**Sincerely, Adam**


	11. Surrendering Safety

He couldn't honestly say that he wasn't taken off guard by her next words but Ben had assumed something the first time she had set eyes on him. _Love at first sight?_ he had wondered, Ben didn't know what to make of it _maybe just curiosity or fascination. "After all Mikhail has more character in his appearance and voice than most people on the island combined"_ he thought, mostly because he didn't want to believe this complication had arose. He knew that Bea greatly disliked him and Ben didn't want a bad image glued to him from the start, not in Mikhail's eyes. He could repel a bad image like two negatively charged magnets but getting rid of one was something he wasn't so talented at. All worked out well in that scenario though, Mikhail had requested to work alone and it had stayed that way, or so he assumed. After all there weren't any cameras that monitored The Pearl to make sure no one had come or gone, in truth there weren't any that monitored The Flame either._ A few posted in the doorways might have been an idea, it might still be a good idea_ he thought working out that he would explain it as a security measure, he really didn't need this complication right now. Ben was fully aware of the audience and knew he would have to be exceptionally careful here to not damage his image or stall the search party.

"He was reassingned temporarily to a job where he was needed more" Ben answered, forcing calm, knowing that it wasn't going to suffice.

"I thought you brought him here so he could work at the Flame, shouldn't that be where he is needed most seeing as you hired him for that specific purpose" she asked while her voice cracked, Ben assumed she must have been crying and confirmed it by the redness in her eyes.

"I don't recruit people if they are only good for one thing Bea, you know this, In fact you didn't object to the idea or shoot it down. Now do yourself and everyone else a favor and go monitor the actions of Calvin and Desmond so that in the unlikely event they get Cabin Fever and start devising plots to murder one another you may actually get a day off." Ben answered in a tone that no one could tell wether he was being sarcastic or down right serious, either way he didn't care his remaining patience had just worn out.

Ben had turned to round up all the slackers, satisfied that he had left Bea speechless when she did something that did catch him off guard. She grabbed him by the left shoulder and hauled him around to face her then struck him across the head with such force that it nearly knocked Ben off balance and left his ear ringing. Many people had moved closer so that in the event he tumbled over they would be there to catch him. Luckily he caught himself before both knees bent and managed to straighten his stance and caught a glimpse of Bea marching back into the woods before she disappeared from sight completely. He found himself genuinely hopeing she'd break a limb or something on her way back. Ben rubbed his face to flex the tensed muscle slightly and turned back to adress the crowd. The first thought that entered Ben's mind was _I lost at least one contact lense when she slapped me_ the second, _I'll never find it now_ the third,_ I guess i'll need my glasses_ the fourth,_ damnit._

"We are leaving in five minutes exactly" Ben announced tapping his wristwatch "No more, no less, I will not wait for anyone I don't care what the excuse is, if you aren't ready by now I can't see any practical use for you anyway." Ben turned to go back to his house and retrieve his glasses from the medicine cabinet in his bathroom when a familiar idiot blocked his path.

"Hey Ben I didn't know you wore contacts" Kaleb commented cheerily. Kaleb was the only father on the island since Nathan's had drowned after being swept away by a current in a storm on a fishing trip. The reason behind Kaleb's recruiting was simple, he was a plumber and an electrition. Ben didn't particularily like Kaleb as a person though. He was always so happy, so optimistic, it honestly made Ben sick.

"I try to avoid wearing them actually it doesn't seem too reasuring to have glass in my eyes." Ben replied stepping past him thinking that Kaleb would get the message that now wasn't the time.

"I guess that makes sense" Kaleb said in almost a whisper, he seemed to actually be thinking about what Ben had said."I guess that would be dangerous, I didn't know that contacts where made of glass." _What you don't know could cover the entire surface of Jupitor_ Ben thought bitterly."I don't know why you used coloured contacts though, If I had eyes as beautiful as yours I wouldn't want to hide them."

Ben was truly touched by the compliment on his eyes, anyone saying anything about his eyes in a positive light generally made his day. If Ben had to pick his favorite physical feature it would be his eyes, no competition, It was the only feature he had of his mothers, the softer facial features too maybe. Ben stopped walking then turned to face Kaleb finding himself to have more patience than he originally thought.

"So what do you want to ask me Kaleb? After I lost my temper with you this morning you would generally leave me alone unless you needed to ask something of me" Ben said without having to force a nicer tone, it came naturally. He figured that he had enough time to hear Kaleb out despite the slight headache brewing in his head from the difference in vision from either eye. Ben only really needed to get his glasses so if Kaleb kept it short there wouldn't be a problem.

"Well I actually wanted to come and help defend the island with you," This was turning out to be a very suprising day indeed. Ben observed Kaleb's body language and saw that his feet were shuffling, shoulders were slouched and he was avoiding eye contact, he already knew the answer.

"What about your son?" Ben asked

"Ben please, I want to do something useful all I have done is repaired a bit of electrical wiring and plumbing since i've been here. I feel like I have been nothing but dead weight and the very least I can do is help here. Harper said she would be happy to look after Karl until I came back which shouldn't take too long, maybe a week or so right?"

This wasn't an easy thing to ask of Ben by any stretch of the imagination, it all came back to the way others would see him and the fact that Kaleb was the only family Karl had. If he said yes right off it would make him look careless and quite cold, but if he said no he would also look cold and unfair. Ben began to feel more agitated and stressed, he had to decide right and he had to decide now.

"You have Karl taken care of for a two week period at least?" Ben asked massaging his left temple to lesson his headache.

"Yes" Kaleb answered quickly. Kaleb met his gaze and looked very worried that Ben would turn him down.

"You understand that there is a very good chance that you may be shot and killed correct?" Ben lied, if he could scare him out of it than he wouldn't have to make a bad decision.

"I... Ben please don't do this I really want to help" Kaleb said in a near whisper. It never ceased to amaze Ben that the man had at least a foot of height on him and perhaps thirty pounds yet he spoke to Ben as though he was the schoolyard bully that was holding his favorite action figure just out of his reach. _In a way though, I am_ he thought and was suddenly eager for this conversation to end.

"It would seem as though you have everything in order I don't see why you shouldn't go" said a familiar voice that came closer with every word. Ben turned to see that it was Isabel, yet another suprise, he thought that she would be the first person to agree with him in this type of situation.

"You really mean it?" Kaleb asked sounding like a five year old who had just been invited to Disney World instead of a man who had just been accepted to march across a jungle in terrible weather running the risk of being shot.

"Yes, I do" Isabel said in a very strong confident voice.

"Thank you so much i'll go get my bag it'll only take a moment." and with that he was already heading to his house.

"Why would you do that?" Ben couldn't help but ask "How do you think people will see me if that idiot gets himself killed, he has a son?"

"The same as they do now, you think the only people who enlist to fight in war are bachelors Ben? just remember he came to you and asked you, not the other way around."

Isabel turned away from Ben and began walking back to her house so that she could take notes on everyone who was going and staying Ben assumed. Her job was to keep order and organization and on the island she was the law, Ben never once regretted giving her that power for she never once abused it and was always strict but fair.

He decided to get his glasses now while someone didn't need to speak with him. Ben entered his house and dried his feet on the towel he had left by the door for when he came back. He wasn't wearing any shoes, none of them did when they were going to be out in the jungle for more than a day because it was only common sense that their feet would rot and the shoe would be ruined anyway. After thoroughly drying his feet off he walked across the cold hardwood floor and hurried to the bathroom. Ben pulled out his glasses which were still in a hard protective case then put the case in his carrier bag. The contact lense was easy enough to remove but deciding what to do with it wasn't. Ben finally decided the best thing to do would be to put it back in it's case, even if it wasn't part of a pair anymore he might still find a good use for just one.

Walking back to the door he stopped and saw that Eight was actually standing on her hind legs to watch him leave._ She puts a lot of effort into these guilt trips, now if only she would put that much effort into avoiding big gapeing pools of mud..._ Ben thought as he walked over to her cage. The wristwatch said it had been seven minutes and forty two seconds another minute wouldn't hurt now."Don't worry" Ben said as he opened the cage, she skittered over to the edge to meet his hand as he stroked her head and ears."I know your going to miss me but I need you to behave for Harper and not to bite her like you do everyone else." It was true that she didn't like anyone but Ben which was natural he assumed since she had been his rabbit since he was thirteen. He closed the door, latched it shut and left the house without turning back.

"Ben I do believe it has been eight minutes since you announced we where leaving in five, what is your opinion on this?" Richard asked in a joking tone.

"Your on thin ice as it is Richard, don't push it" Ben warned as he took the front of the line and led them out of the Barracks. It was clear that by now everyone knew that something was going on because on the way out people where watching from windows or standing on porches to just to see them leave. This mission was no longer top secret and quiet like Ben had hoped it would be.


	12. Near Fatal

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any of it's characters, the events that I write are purely fictional and are not to be mistaken with the actual Lost timeline.

It was almost comical to watch Kaleb bounce through the ankle deep mud like a very young child playing in the rain just to feel the strange texture that could only exist on such miserable days._"Wish I could have that much fun, but I suppose i'd look a little foolish and Kaleb doesn't really have that aspect to lose"_ Richard thought. The group looked very unorganized with half the group just wearing their normal clothes and the other half wearing very large, difficult raincoats. The people wearing the raincoats were: Ryan, Tom, Kaleb, Goodwin and himself. Collen and Danny said they were only good for the rain and with all the trouble they caused getting snaged on things they ought to be bullet proof too, Ben just had a personal vendetta since his trip to The Flame. He looked ahead to see what Ben was up to and could see that Ben probably wanted nothing more than to smack Kaleb into next week. They had only started walking ten minutes ago and already Ben was muddy up to his knees pulling himself through the mud and looking at Kaleb as if he were openly mocking him. Richard snorted from trying so hard not to laugh after looking around the group though Richard noticed that Ben wasn't the only one and Tom seemed to be both scared and tired, that was never a good combination._'Should have just left him'_ Richard thought, not out of resentment but out of pity _'The poor guy is going to get himself killed or kill one of us'._

Forgetting his thoughts on Tom, Richard looked ahead and noticed that Kaleb and Ben, who were at the front of the group, had stopped. He walked up behind Ben and peered over his head _'Lovely, now the stream just reroutes itself'_ he thought bitterly seeing just that. It hadn't just broke of from its regular path but turned into a river and in doing that it had grown in width and height. Everyone came together and after examining the situation they all realised that there were options, then following tradition they all stared at Ben. He seemed to be watching the river as if thinking that if he stared at it long enough it would bend to his will and dissapear, Ben always seemed to want what he couldn't have but in this situation everyone else probably wanted the same thing.

"We could always test the depth and current" Ben suggested.

"Or we could walk around" Tom threw in. This suggestion earned him one of Ben's icy glares and a reponse to compliment it.

"Tom we can't walk around **Every** obstacle we encounter and it isn't as if we arn't all eventually going to be soaked anyway".

Nobody supported or shot down either of the men, Tom was just staring at the ground and shuffling his feet. Ben on the other hand, was trying to pick the best candidate to test his plan. His eyes finally rested on Goodwin, Goodwin shook his head and put up both hands which basically translated meant _"Not a chance in hell"._

Ben just turned while mumbling under his breath and was just on the edge of the bank to test it himself when it melted under him. The whole part that was supporting Ben slid into the river. Ben had just enough time to pull one foot out of the mud holding him and right as he sunk under grabbed at anything solid on the bank that just wasn't there. The water rushed over his hand and when it passed Ben's hand was gone with it.

"And that's exactly why I didn't want to". Goodwin commented plainly.

"Richard?" Danny asked. Richard took his eyes of the stream for a moment to look at Danny."Yes" he replied.

"Since this stream grew isn't it possible that it merged with the other one that has the waterfall?".

Richard didn't have a moment to be stunned and was racing down stream neck in neck with Colleen. Both were very closely followed by Goodwin and the rest were either just putting it together or were already snagged on the branches._'Don't let him be over the falls, please don't let him be over the falls...'_ Richard couldn't help but think as they came closer. No, the fall wouldn't kill him, well maybe if he fell on his head, but on the other hand breaking something was almost inevitable. So all in all they would have to drag him back to the Barracks and get him fixed up only to hear hours of argueing of why he still coming with them. Richard leapt through the last mask of leaves and trees to find the opening of the waterfall. Colleen and him couldn't believe what they were seeing and were quickly knocked over by the rest of the upcoming crew who also couldn't help but stare. Ben was stuck right at the crest of the waterfall and was clinging on by only a boulder, amazingly his glasses were still in place on his nose.

"By all means stand there gawping at me all day, in fact take a picture you can show it to Ethan as a before picture for reference on how to reset my broken limbs". Ben screamed over the rushing water.

"I thought that only happened in movies" Goodwin said with the slightest hint of a smile.

"Well apparently not" Colleen said taking command immediatly "Here is what we do, we make a chain the lightest people go in to grab Ben while the heaviest stay on ground to pull the rest of us back in". While talking she was pulling a rope from her bag and wrapping it around herself with the speed and precision only a proffesional could posses."The best part is Ben is only about three meters into the river so we can easily pull him out with only two people. Richard your coming with me" She said handing him the rope she had finished lacing around her waist and shoulders.

"How did I know that was coming" he muttered applying the rope in the same style she used."Wait, who's holding him?"

"You are Richard, your bigger, it only makes sense that the bigger one-"

"I'm going to drown if you don't hurry" Ben called. Looking over they could see he wasn't overacting he was losing his grip and was slipping deeper into the violent current. Colleen grabbed Richard by the shoulder and spun him around quickly to face her.

"Look" she said "here's the rope you get Ben to hang on to for dear life, watch your step and don't you dare even think of falling". With that said she gave him a quick shove to get him to the edge of the bank, this was like an instant replay of what had happened to Ben. Richard felt his bare feet sucked into wet warm mud and turned with one hand outstretched as he went under so he could claw at the mud that only slipped through his fingers. His raincoat had slipped off over his head and was already over the falls by now and Richard currently didn't know up from down. Suddenly he felt a sharp pull around his shoulders and waist as he was wrenched back to the surface and could suddenly breath again. Richard pulled in a deep breath and searched for Ben, he wanted to ask Colleen for her reasoning behind shoving him into a rushing river but that would have to wait. He found Ben within seconds and began taking slow and careful steps alongside the bank where the water was calmest, he was trying to get directly across from Ben. In about ten very long seconds he was across from the leader and ready to go through with his plan.

"Colleen I'm going under, all I need you to do is stay standing".

"Easier said th-"

Richard didn't hear the end of it because he had already taken his last breath and sunk under. Going on all fours towards the center was more challenging than he assumed it would be but it still had his vote against walking, the river was more violent on the surface. Richard could hardly see where he was going because of all the unsettled dirt and was constantly being pelted with rocks and anything else that had recently fallen in. Not being able to see anything worried him because he could at any moment fall off the edge that Ben was slowly slipping down. Richard continued walking in a very straight line in the direction he had last seen Ben on the surface so he could avoid falling off the edge to the best of his abilities, he was running out of air. Just as he assumed would eventually happen Richard bumped his head on something very smooth and solid, he smiled knowing he had just found Ben's rock. Richard put himself between the current and the rock then stood up. Rising out of the water he was nearly deafened by the roar of the waves all around him. he quickly opened his eyes and saw Ben's hands, now white from strain, still clutching the rock and he could even make out nail marks where he had slid. Richard tapped Ben's hand which losened slightly then Richard continued to push the thick rope into his hand which Ben grabbed hold of instantly.

"Ben can you hear me?" Richard shouted hoping Ben could hear him.

"Look down" Ben screamed back.

Risking shuffling up the rock slightly Richard saw that Ben was now dangling over the edge."Damnit!" he cursed outloud, no one could hear him anyway. Richard looked back over to the rest of the group that were all awaiting his signal. Danny was now in the water too, probably weighing down Colleen so that they weren't put in the same position as the person they were trying to save. Richard held his arm up high and gave the thumbs up as he slid off the rock and dove again to crawl back. This time it was a very different experience, he was feeling a very heavy strain that was pulling him along back to the bank and a very jerky strain coming from behind him where they were still pulling up Ben. Suddenly Richard felt the strain dissapear from the back of him and he stopped to look around to see just what had happened. It didn't work so well though because he was only getting pulled harder from the other side and he couldn't see anything. He felt something bump into the back of his thigh, then he felt a very strong shove and knew it was Ben so he continued moving while getting shoved all the while to pick up his pace. Richard moved quickly but Ben was right behind him and moving at an incredible speed for someone that had kept a firm grip on a large boulder for almost ten minutes. Also considering that for about two of them he was holding his body weight on his wrists and fingers, it was a very impressive feat.

Richard bumped into the bank, head first again, and stood up out of the water and succeded in getting himself shoved over by the current. He didn't stay under for more than a few seconds because everyone just started reeling him in at twice the speed as before. The instant Richard felt his head break the surface arms slipped under his and pulled him up straight then turned and dropped him back on the muddy ground. Richard once again was gasping for breath not only from being caught off guard and drug under water but also from being very roughly dropped on the ground. His nose ears and mouth were full of water and his sight was also bleary from the water. He suddenly sneezed and the force of it had him sitting up straight and cleared his nose and mouth now his ears were just plugged. Danny hovered over him offering a hand which Richard quickly accepted and used as a support to stand again.

"Sorry for dropping you" Danny said snickering "I'm seriously not laughing at you I just thought it was a weird scenario and all".

"No harm done" Richard replied smiling a little himself He could also see the humurous point and it wasn't really as though they were laughing at something horrible like a broken limb and if both could find it funny there was no harm. Richard looked through the group and found Ben sitting at the foot of a large tree his shirt and pants covered in mud from dangling on the ledge. Ben was examining his fingers which were still white as bone. First Richard thought about leaving him alone and letting the leader get himself back together but then he had a reasonably good idea and walked over. Ben didn't notice him for a matter of minutes until Richard's display gathered an audience and people started giggling at the leaders lack of awareness, that's when he looked up.

"Yes" Ben asked in a normal tone to Richard's suprise, he expected him to be angry.

"You owe me one for pulling you out of your near free-fall" Richard answered crouching down to be on level with Ben, it was so hard to keep a straight face.

"I would argue that point but i'm not currently in the mood so if it's reasonable go ahead" Ben stated in a slight threatening tone.

"Okay my terms are simple, I, want, you, to lighten up!" Richard chirped. At this everyone burst out laughing and even Ben cracked a smile.

"Deal" Ben agreed still with the hint of a smile. Richard nodded and stood back up to adress the whole group.

"Who votes we have a little snack now and relax for around twenty minutes say 'Aye'"

"We only left twenty minutes ago" Ben protested.

"Vote's still on" Richard shouted.

"Aye" everyone yelled in unision.

Ben rolled his eyes but said nothing.

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**Authors Note: The long awaited chapter 12, it was fun writing and I hope that people are still interested in reading after it's year long stall. So anyway this will be grammar and spell checked a few more times for thoroughness like all my stories Thanks For Reading.**

**This Chapter Is Dedicated To: White Stone, Lissie66, YaoiFan44, Got Scots?, Vincent, SuZaKu-07, hannahjap, MoMo-Lost addict and everyone who has ever even bothered to read chapter one. I have read every review from every story I have written and am forever grateful for the kind comments and suggestions I recieve.**


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